Why Scoble is overhyped and is probably not worth his own weight in Purplesaurus Rex

koolaidman

“Anybody. Anyone who has any dissenting opinion, please speak.”

- Jim Jones

OK, this summer I’ve been to a lot of different places. My kitchen. My bathroom. The neighbors’ back yard. My bathroom again. The parents’ house. The gas station. Chipotle. In each place it’s become obvious how much microblogging hasn’t taken over the world. On every tech blog it seems like every tech blogger is drinking the microblogging koolaide. (sic)

The Kool-Aid analogy is particularly apt, as most people who use it in conversation or in their writing, reach for it as a shorthand method of referencing the bandwagon effect that human beings are indeed prone to when influenced in either a clever, subtle sniper shot sort of way, or a hamfisted, shotgun blast to the dome kind of  way.  The fruit flavored shout out alludes to the Jonestown massacre, which was  perpetrated by an superfreak named Jim Jones in Guyana, circa 1978.  This mass suicide, driven by deliberate social isolation combined with Jones’ special brand of brainwashing and mind control ended with 909 people knocking back dixie cups full of Flavor-Aid spiked with sedatives and cyanide.  While combing through the aftermath, authorities began to discover notes left behind by the members of Jones’ flock. Perhaps the most chilling of all was from a woman named Annie Moore.  It read in part: “JONESTOWN—the most peaceful, loving community that ever existed.”  Perspective sure can be a bitch.

So why is this offhand reference so illustrative re: the ongoing technorati microblogging circle jerk?  Because as we have seen throughout history… hype + isolation = bullshit.  It leads to statements like “Microblogging service X has taken over the business world and this should be very worrying for other companies like Google, Yelp, Facebook, Microsoft, Yahoo and others.”  Let’s just break that down for fun, shall we?

Unsubstantiated statement of pure hype #1: “Microblogging service X has taken over the business world.”  No, actually.  It hasn’t.  Disagree?  Well, then please define the concept of ‘taken over’ in this context as well as the definition of ‘business world.’  No matter what your job is or what country you reside in, you can immediately see how this statement is so vague and leading that it self-destructs on even a cursory examination.  We will concede willingly that a shockingly large number of massive corporate entities have indeed leapt, P/E ratio first, into the sweet, sticky trough of glorified status updates. But ‘taken over the business world.”?  More like ‘temporarily wrested the M$M’s obsession with social media away from Facebook.’  Sounds much less impressive that way, doesn’t it?

Unsubstantiated statement of pure hype #2: “…this should be very worrying for other companies like Google, Yelp, Facebook, Microsoft, Yahoo and others.”  Really?  Very worrying? That would be like Dwight Howard, Yao Ming, Pau Gasol, Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Joakim Noah being ‘worried’ about Steve Nash.  Will they pop out to help double or even triple team Capt. Canada once in a while?  Sure. They might even throw an elbow in the paint when they have to.  But, my dear, sweet, globetrotting (see what I did there?), twat-o-phant… nobody is worried.  Not even for an internet second.  In fact, in my own personal experience, I’ve found that it’s helpful to look less at the individial(s) who are being pointed out, and instead look to the owner of the finger doing the pointing.  Who’s zoomin who here, Scobelicious?  Why so hyperbolic?  Let’s dig a little deeper. (And stop pointing.  It’s rude.)

Unsubstantiated statement of pure hype #3: “Twitter is underhyped. I’m now convinced that Twitter has locked up a whole raft of businesses and that Twitter is actually worth five to 10 billion dollars.”  First of all. LOL!  This is where they Jonestown analogy really comes around full circle. There are other analogies, of course, that would work fine.  Before we continue though, be aware…  you are about to enter another dimension. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Scoble Zone.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled mass suicide of rational, reasoned thought and practical objectivity

Please tell me, in what universe could Microblogging service X EVER be considered by a sane person to be ‘underhyped’?  Wait that was rhetorical… plus you’re reading right now so stop talking to yourself and pay attention.  This is the most important part.  (tw)It can only be seen as ‘underhyped’ by an individual who has spent months at a clip, completely and willingly subsumed by overblown and ultra-saturated hyper-branding combined with corporate ingratiation, glad-handing and tushie smooching of epic proportions.  Clearly the author is flitting exclusively from one corporate royal family to the next like a self-perceived cybernetic Ben Frank on a mission from The One True Biz, spreading the good word… 140 characters at a time.  Like many missionaries before him, he overstates the wonder of his God and the beneficence that awaits true converts.  Mostly he does this because it works.  Know who else got down like that?  Jimmy “Flavor-Aid” Jones, that’s who.

In much the same way that we felt a twisted pang of pity for Jones, all mixed up with disgust, revulsion, outrage and anger as we watched flies land on the lifeless faces of his sacrificed flock, we also can’t help but feel badly for anyone so spun out and wonkified by the smoke being lovingly blown up their ass that they have begun to resemble a parody of a caricature of themselves.

As Michael Arrington said in June of `08: “Is MySpace worth $3 billion, or $20 billion? It depends on how you value a user.” F’n A, Mike… I am SO buying a CrunchPad.

So how much exactly is your average user of Microblogging service X worth?  We haven’t the foggiest. Neither does the Scobinator.  Neither does Arrington.  Neither does Biz.  Neither do you.  After all we ARE talking about a service that sputtered to life around mid-2006 and never stopped… sputtering that is.  Stronger and more vital sites/services have seen their glory days whiz past like a B’more beat junkie beating feet to a Blaqstarr showcase @ SXSW. In six months time, the select few who have anointed their favorite toy as the savior of mankind will have become bored with their prize possession and will have moved on to something shinier, newer, bigger, better, faster, more…  what’s goin’ on?  Hype baby.. hype.  Round and round and round it goes.  When it flops, everyone knows.

We ain’t mad at’cha though, Scober-doodle.  Hype gotta grind just like coitus, power and cash money.  They rule everything around us.  Just don’t let any one of them own you instead of the other way around.  If you get wrapped up in hype too completely you can end up going down hard with the good ship folly flop.  Valuations come and go along with popular trends and opinions.  Common sense and impartiality are forever.

Kneel before Zod or run through the jungle.  Neither is a particularly attractive choice.  If Jimmy J had taken a vacation once in a blue moon, maybe his follwers wouldn’t have had to make it at all.  The truth is though, he believed his own bullshit and that’s where the downward spiral started.  Valuate unknown quantities all you want, just whatever you do, don’t believe your own bullshit.

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Published:
08.31.09 / 2pm
Category:
Hype, Microblogging
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